Bone Weary
by Little Hairy Eyeball
Summary: Buffy’s thoughts on a certain basement dwelling vampire. SPOILERS for "Lies My Parents Told Me" airing in March


TITLE: "Bone Weary"  
  
AUTHOR: Elise D. (aka LilHairyEyeball)  
  
FEEDBACK: Gimme gimme. Just be gentle.  
  
SUMMARY: Buffy's thoughts on a certain basement dwelling vampire. SPOILERS  
  
SPOILERS: Spoilers for the next new episode set to air in March (episode 17, Lies My Parents Told Me). Beware!  
  
RATING: Just a PG ficlet, full of fluff.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples  
  
---  
  
She's so tired.  
  
Bone-weary, he'd call it.  
  
There's just too much going on. Too much responsibility, and she's not supposed to have that. She's been chastised for having friends and family involved in her duties, yet now she's supposed to take in a flock of homeless girls and set them on the path.  
  
And gives them inspiration. Hope.  
  
Well, that's all good and well, but who is going to give her hope in return? Maybe one of her best friends could, if they can get passed their recent emotional instabilities. Except they can't, and neither can she. But they're allowed to work through that, and she is not.  
  
"One girl, in all the world." Yeah, that pretty much sucks.  
  
Balancing a chequebook and trying to keep your younger sister from becoming a JD just isn't enough, apparently. Now she has to fight the ultimate evil and it's pet vampires.  
  
Spike.  
  
She could turn to her own pet vampire, but where would that honestly get her? There's too much confusion in that relationship. She's got this overwhelming urge to care for him now; it's probably down to the shiny new soul.  
  
She's always been a sucker for the soul  
  
He must have known that, why else would he get it? He can blame it on remorse all he wants, but she knows he couldn't feel such a thing. Not before, at least. Now he's just a big basket of emotions, and she's jealous. The Big Bad can put it all out on display, and she can't even admit that she's scared.  
  
She's terrified.  
  
Now we have a new player in the Scooby melodrama. Add one son of a dead Slayer. Mix with vengeance and mother's killer, and wait until boils. So very little fun, she could just cry.  
  
She was betrayed.  
  
By Giles, of all the people she would never have suspected. Now he's going to what? Just blow back into her life when he decides she's not living it right? Well she is, dammit. He wanted her to be strong, and she's trying. But it's so hard when the one person you trust above all else, decides you're incompetent and tries to remove the only hope you've got left in your life.  
  
She needs an escape.  
  
And he's in the basement. No doubt willing to help, should she decide approach him. But she can't. She won't. It would be wrong. Not just because he's a vampire, one that's tried to kill her a handful of times, and personally hurt her.  
  
No, that she can get over.  
  
He has a soul now, and he loves her as much as he ever did, if not more. But she betrayed him, in so many ways. Used him, beat him; almost let her father figure aid in his dusting. And she cares for him.  
  
Crap. She's so bone weary.  
  
There are all these emotions swirling around her. She feels like a giant lava lamp. Just plug her in and watch the pretty patterns.  
  
She could go to him right now, with promises of a better Buffy. One that will open up, refuse to hide things, and above all else, avoid purposely hurting him.  
  
But she can't make those promises. They're at war. You can't start a relationship during battle; it would be too counter-productive.  
  
Wow, she really is General Buffy, all chock-full of field knowledge. Check it out.  
  
Except it's not really starting a relationship, is it? They've had the sex. It was amazing sex. They even had the friendship, and they've pretty much got that back now. She's also in just bad enough of a mood to take pleasure in the idea of Xander's reaction.  
  
But then she'd lose him. Track records are a sign, and this one would end badly too. She might get attached, and then have to watch him die. Except he's already dead, isn't he?  
  
And she's already attached to him.  
  
Oh, who is she kidding? She's in love with him. Everybody knows it, except him. He deserves to hear that, doesn't he? Without him around, she'd have almost no hope left. Yeah, so she'd fight for her family and friends. But love. Now that's something to fight for. Just the idea of it makes her smile; feel stronger.  
  
But telling him? That opens a can of worms she's not ready to face. He'd expect too much from her. Push her too hard.  
  
Oh, now she knows she's full of it. He'd probably burst into flames from the joy of the moment. Just to spite her.  
  
Bad Buffy, that's not fair. He's twirl her around, show of those dimples that she's only seen when he's been perfectly happy, and then he'd wait for her to make the next move.  
  
Seems like they've both learnt something about relationships over the past year.  
  
Her hand is on the basement door now. What will she find down there? The Big Bad, with all his swagger and attitude? Or just Spike? The guy she's beaten down, and tormented, who won't give up on the idea of love?  
  
And trust. Don't forget about the trust.  
  
He's looking at her now. Not expecting anything. Not even a crumb. And that's good with her. No pressure. Just hold onto that friendship, and let nature take it's course.  
  
Sounds like a plan.  
  
---  
  
"Hey Spike," she says, sitting on the cot next to him.  
  
He puts down the book he's reading. Always making her his focus, isn't he?  
  
"Hey Slayer, how you feeling?"  
  
Buffy smiles, and he finds it infectious. He can't help but smile along side her.  
  
"Bone weary, Spike. Bone weary." 


End file.
